I attended a coaching conference. Like most conferences, it provided an opportunity to see familiar faces within the community and reconnect with old friends and colleagues. In the midst of the handshakes, hugs, and air kisses, I ran into someone that I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I always love seeing her because with her it is never about the small talk, if she is going take the time to begin a conversation, it is going to be a meaningful one. After exchanging pleasantries, more air kisses, she asked, “What one question do you want answered today?”
My first thought as I smiled at her was, “What a typical question coming from a coach!” As she stood there genuinely interested and waiting on the answer, the background noise seemed to dim as I began to reflect. Hmmm. In coming to the conference I was looking forward to hearing thought leaders share their knowledge, see the latest and greatest coaching tools and approaches, and perhaps even make a few new network connections. As I reflected further on this great question, I knew I was also looking forward to the positive feelings. Spending time in a community of individuals who share similar passions while playing in the space of possibility, and feeding the knowledge and curiosity fire that will keep me warm during the cold days of budget and planning meetings. With my swirling head, I realized that in some ways I was hoping to achieve a combination of all of those things, and yet no single element was my core question.
In working with my coaching clients, an essential element of our conversation is seeking to understand, what is the driving motivation or force behind their actions. It is key to spend the time clarifying what is at the heart of the issue that has brought them to engage in a certain behavior, have a feeling, or make a decision. Humans are wonderfully creative beings capable of defining a multitude of reasons and rationalizations for what and why we are being a certain way. When a pause is created through a thoughtful question a space is created to dim the noise and shine a light on our core intention, belief, and value. When we can clearly see our purpose it puts our actions, feelings, and decisions into a new perspective.
As I refocused on the smiling face front of me I was grateful for the chance to genuinely consider my core motivation for attending the conference. There were practical and pragmatic reasons to be sure, and in play for me, was something more fundamental. So I looked her in the eye and answered, “How do I sustain the feeling that I have when I am in a community of coaches and learners?” Sure, one could argue that it was a typical coach response! It reminded me of what I really wanted, and is that not the gift of any great coaching question?
By.
Donna Forde, PCC
Sr. Manager, Leadership Programs
Organizational Development
Rogers Communication
